Turning to God: A poem for Matthew  / Amanda Little (Friend)

With fear in my heart and nothing to gain
I cry at night these tears of pain.
With no one left to call my own
Abandoned and scared; all alone.
With nothing left and nothing to be
I bow down on bended knee.
With nowhere to run and no place to turn
I pray to the Lord for the life that I yearn.

 
"Give me the will to dry my tears
Give me the strength to face my fears."
"Give me the courage to find true love
And to free my heart like a sacred dove"
"Give me the power to be something great
Lead me through that pearly gate."
"And in return for the life you gave
I give you my soul for you to save."

We love and miss you Matt! Always and forever!

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Thinking Of You  / Bren ONeal (Friend)

Thinking of you & Meg as each day draws closer to Matt's 3rd angelversary. Every day I think of Matthew his smile his loving gentle spirit that continues to bless lives. What an impact he has made on this earth whether through his hugs art work or his acts of kindness. Matthew lives on in all of us he always will. Love Bren

Wendy McAdams

1-26-73 - 4-5-06

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Empathy and Sympathy for Matt's family  / Tazwell Warner (unfortunately never had chance )
I was browsing the net and found this story so i thought it would be appropriate to send my condolences to the family and friends of Matt. I have a cousin name Dustin E. Bell who passed away in October of '04 the same way as Matt and it devastated my whole family and still does and always will. So i just wanted to send my prayers to friends and family. Close

IN MY THOUGHTS & PRAYERS  / Bren O'Neal (Chid Of God )
TERRI & MEGHAN, I COME TO LITE A CANDLE FOR MATTHEW AFTER OUR TALK & VISIT JUST NOW. TODAY THIS CANDLE IS BEING LIT FOR MATTHEW, MEGHAN & TERRI FOR ALL THE LOVE YOU SHARE & THE LIVES YOU TOUCH. YOU ALL THREE ARE A LIVING TESTIMONY OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER'S LOVE. HOW BLESSED WE ALL ARE  FOR KNOWING YOU IF IT HAS BEEN FOR A SHORTER PERIOD, THE MARK YOU HAVE MADE  IS WITH US A LIFETIME. LOVE, BREN O'NEAL Close

Terri & Meghan  / Bren Wendy's Momma (God's Son )

MAY THE LORD MAKE HIS PRESENCE KNOWN

AND MAY HIS ARMS WRAP ALL AROUND YOU 

UNTIL YOU ARE EMBRACED IN HIS COMPASSIONATE LOVE.

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He was such a happy loving person  / Amy Griffin (Friend)
I remember the first time I met Matt, i met him on a trip to Kings Island with Courtney and it was a blast, he made me laugh the moment I met him! The three of us spent the whole ride there talking, spent the time at Kings Island together, and of course the bus ride back. I have a picture of him from the trip in one of my photo albums, it was such a great day.

I only had the privilage of spending time with him a couple times after that, but he truly touched my heart, I remember he hugged me the first thing when he met me, and every time I look at our pictures from Kings Island it puts a smile on my face because it is a great memory of mine.

I didn't know the whole story of what had happened until I found this page, it's horrible. He has a wonderful spot in heaven.

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SCRIPTURE / Bren O'Neal (GOD'S CHILD )

SURELY HE HATH BORNE OUR GRIEFS, AND CARRIED OUR SORROWS.

                                                            ISAIAH 53:4

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MATTHEW'S LOVE  / BREN O'NEAL (FRIEND)

HE SHALL COVER YOU WITH HIS FEATHERS,

AND UNDER HIS WINGS YOU SHALL TAKE REFUGE. PSALM 91: 4

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* Mattys Memory *  / Abbey Valentine

I loved the time we spent together

I cry when were apart

Youll never know the way I feel

Or how youve touched my heart

You were there for all the good times

You hung in there through the bad

You laughed when I acted stupid

You held me when I was sad

You made me smile when Id been hurt

And you pulled me back together

You even managed to make me laugh

When I knew that id been better

Ill never be able to tell you

How deep my feelings go

But I hope you caught the little signs

When my true feelings showed

Ill love you past forever

Not a minute of it will fade

No one will be able to match

This love that we have made

Abbey Valentine

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Thank You Terri...& I LOVE YOU MATTY...  / Abbey Valentine

I do not know exactly how to say how much matty means to me. It has taken me so long to actually grasp the fact that I would never hear his laugh again or feel him kiss me on the cheek or discuss things that only we would understand..like "going fishing in the lawn mowers". Matty was the best friend I ever had, in EVERY sense of the word. He is the best person I will ever know and love, and the best kind of friend you could ask for. You cant find friends that are as loyal and caring and loving and amazing as he was. I wish every day that I could just have HALF of the personality and spirit that he did. The night i found out was the most intense pain and I have ever had to endure, so I can only imagine what his family must have felt, and it tears my heart up.I woke my mom up and just collapsed when I realized i couldnt get a breath enough to tell her what was wrong. The funeral was just a nightmare to me for a long time. I refused to believe that it happened and still expected my phone to ring from some random # and I would pick it up and hear his voice. I have to thank you so much Terri for making this website and doing the things youre doing so that his death didnt go unjustified. I had no idea this site existed until a couple of days ago at school when I was telling me friend about him and I googled his name to see if I could find a picture to show her. When I saw it, all the denial and refusing to accept it just drained out of me and I lost control. It hit me hard when I looked at the pictures on here and knew I would never again he as happy as he made me , and he had really left us. I wanted to claw the heart out of  my chest just to make it quit hurting. I never imagined it would take me so long to grasp it. I just tried to intentionally stay away from things that would bring back memories of him .Seeing this site made me be able to see that it was real all along and that I needed to hang on to all those memories, or i would lose him for good. Memories can make a person live forever....so I intend to keep him with me forever. I have so much respect for you, and I am so sorry it took me so long to tell you how much of my heart he took with him. The world made a bad decision by taking him. He gave the world & anyone he met more in twenty years than I will give in fifty. Every day I wish I wouldve gone instead of him. But about a week after his death, I was driving home and wishing so hard that I had the power to just make my heart stop and see him again when a dog ran out in the middle of the road. When I stopped the car and got out and tried to coax the dog out of traffic, she jumped past me and right in the car and just sat there waiting for me to take her anywhere i felt like going. When I got home, I realized she was in bad shape. I agve her a waffle hoping shed come back the next day...and she did, and we healed her and turned her into the most playful caring dog you could ask for. I named her Maddy, for "matty"...my favorite nickname for him, bc she came to me when I was about to make a permanent decision. I think he sent her to us and knowing he can bring me up out of the darkest state of mind, makes me know he is the one wiping tears off my cheeks. I Love you Matty, you will never know just how much . And I will always be in debt to you, terri for making me miss him the way he should be missed. After me and Matty had lost touch for about a year , he called me one day about six months b4 b4 his last day and in a second,it was like we had lost no time at all. I am so thankful that he called me that day and I got to spend that time with him

LOve ALways &&& A LiFEtime....Abigail

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I'm so sorry for your loss  / Mari Beyer -mom To Chuckie
Your son was beautiful.  I loved looking at his pictures. What an amazing smile!  And his artwork...What a blessing to have them to treasure, a part of his soul left behind for you! I happened upon your story researching methadone.  I too lost my son Chuckie at the age of 23, in 2005, not to methadone, although he had some of that in his system, but to a toxic level of xanax.  Chuckie had battled addiction for 7 years, always striving to get clean, but not ever being able to get and stay clean. I truly understand your pain, the constant longing to see them again, to hear their laugh, their voices saying, "I love you, mom".  I have been grieving a year longer than you. It does not get easier.  You only learn to live with your pain. I am sorry for your loss, (and mine), my friend. I pray God's blessings upon you and your family.  Know that Matthew is in Heaven with my Chuckie, they are looking down upon us, part of "so great a cloud of witnesses" the Bible speaks about.  They are cheering us on and praying for us, as we finish our own race. Hold onto the HOPE of seeing Mathew again, and spending eternity with him..  It is only HOPE that keeps me going.  with love, mari beyer, mother of Chuckie www.chuckie-beyer.memory-of.com Close

Timmy's Mom  / Timara Meeks
Terri,

You have done a great job paying tribute to Matt...thank you for sharing your pictures, stories, poems and feelings.

Your in my prayers & we both know that our boys are lookin' down on us & smilin'

Love ya
Timara Meeks Close

The way he was treated sounds insane...  / Someone In The UK (n/a)
Hi there,

I'm *so* sorry for the loss of your son - no mother should ever have to go through such a thing - your subsequent activism is an inspiration to us all.

I'd just like to say that the way Matthew was treated sounds very irresponsible and wrong - 30mg is quite a high starting dose of Methadone, and to increase it by 5mg per day from Day 1 like that, with the patient reporting contraindications is totally unreal, especially in light that he was already taking prescribed benzodiazepines - and that he was advised to take Promethazine on top is unbelievable.

From what you've written, it sounds like Matthew wasn't complaining of withdrawal symptoms after taking his 1st dose of Methadone, so why on Earth were they increasing his dosage by 5ml per day?

This clinic sounds like it's run by a right bunch of cowboys, and I'd love to see you get justice with them - I know money will never make up for the loss of your dear young son, but it will hurt those who killed him, and tarnish their reputation.

My best wishes and most sincere condolences from the UK, and I wish you all the best in your future endeavours. :) Close

I also lost my son.  / Karen Archer (Harmd. family member )

I just read your story about Mathew, and can relate to how you feel. I also lost my son Colt Porterfield age 22. I admire your courage and work. This is a deadly drug and if we dont speak out other mothers are going to experience our nightmare. Karen Archer

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It doesn't seem right...  / Amber Stephens (Old friend )

It's been 17 months and 4 days since you left us.  It just doesn't seem like it's true.  I see guys all the time and I think "Oh, there's Matt!" and then I stop.  I stop breathing, I stop thinking, I stop feeling.  I realize that it's not you and my whole body hurts.  
I remember the day I found out.  It was the day after you left us (physically) and I was at work.  I got a text message from Danielle saying that Kymara was freaking out.  I had her call me at work so that I could find out why.  She told me.  I didn't know what to do.  I had to call home to make sure it was true.  It was.  I remember going home early that day.  On the drive home I thought to myself "I wonder how Tommy is taking it?"  I realized though that on some level, he was probably happy that you were joining him in Heaven.
I miss you so much Matthew.  I miss your smile and your hugs.  I miss your laugh.  
My heart continues to go out to you guys (his family).  If you need anything, you know how to reach us.  

*Everynight I search for your star in the sky,
Cause I would trade in my life for one last goodbye*  

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I feel what you feel....I know your sadness...  / Cheryl Lovett (friend)
To Matthews family,
I dont know, I just found his web-site thru CF site.
His story breaks my heart and made me feel my pain all over again.
My son was 23 when he died of an overdose of meth.
He too had been struggling with drugs , but at this time he had been clean for over 6 months.He met an old girl friend and went to 
a hotel where  they talked and again did drugs. He was trying to talk her into going into a rehab center, but she refused.He was never on meth,,, his choice of drug was different, so when she found them meth, he tried it and his body was not used to it and overdosed.
She awoke in the morning and could not wake him up,,,, she left to go to work, and later he died... What a friend ..huh???
I prayed  to God  that he would have spared him and taken me.
I just wanted to say... I know how you feel and I feel all the grief and sadness you know.People say in time you get over it.
But I will never get over losing my best friend. He was a great son and will truly be missed.
God be with you and your family...I hope your Matthew and my son will meet in Heaven...
Truly, Cheryl Close

I Understand...  / Ashley Thompson (Close Friend )
Things in life turn out to be so very devastating and can leave you traumatized and depressed for life. I know this from personal experience. I knew Matt since he was in first grade because him and my sister Amanda were in the same class and we only lived right down the road. Being 2 yrs. older, i still wanted to hang out with my sister and Matt too. so i would go too. I knew Matt just as well as Amanda. I was there with him through the early Saturday art lessons with Julie Decker's daughter, and we even went together some Saturday's, me and Matt sat beside each other through that art class and every other art class that we had together. I loved Matt like a brother. He was very close to my family and we all were always there to hear a story or problem that he had. I always tried to give him the best advise i could think of. I was devastated when i heard about Matt. It was like a flashback of when i lost my mom. My mom loved Matt like a son. Matt would just come down to our house when me and my sister were not even there just to talk to my mom. I'm sure that he is up there with her right now and she is looking after him. I have so many memories of Matt that i will never forget. I feel that i have lost a brother also. I am so sorry for your loss Terri and i am there if you ever need to talk. Life has a lot of cruel outcomes and i know exactly what it feels like. But i believe we all will see each other again someday. We just have to wait it out. Close

The Mention of My Son's Name  / Mom
The mention of my son's name, may bring tears to my eyes.
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you are my friend, please don't keep me from hearing the beautiful music.
It soothes my broken heart and fills my soul with love!!!!! With Matthew's love!!! Close